State of the Stash

As I've been cleaning house in a project whose code name is project equanimity, I've run into my stash, hidden under the living room couch (mostly). I would like to say neatly hidden, but every now and then the littles find it and rummage through, and yes, I have also been known to rummage and then shove everything back all higgley-piggley.

The stash reminds me that I have no earthly reason to buy more yarn. There are at least 5 or 6 projects waiting to be knit or reknit as the case may be.

But the temptations are constant. Going to Yo's doctor brings me right near my favorite yarn store. And all the lovelies I see on line when I look at other people's knitting...sigh.

In the interest of stash busting, I am posting my yarn and what I intend to do with it.

Project 1: Vest for self using leftover quince and co. Osprey? It will be the same kind of garter stitch yoke I've used for some of Yogurt's vests, with a garter stitch bottom border ( instead of a roll). To be worn under long-sleeve t - shirts.




Project 2: Navy blue v-neck for Yogurt



Project 3:Honey Cowl in the lovely grey wool. This needs re knitting. I messed up the first time, and don't know how to fix it other than rip all the way back. I might change the size too.




Project 4: The red scarf inspired by the Night Circus. Haven't picked a pattern yet.



Project 5: Socks




This is just what jumps out at me when I look. Some other random yarn may also turn itself into something of the other. There is also I sweater stuffed in a bag, which needs to be reknit, cause I don't think the size will work.

So, no need to buy yarn, right? RIGHT?

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Square yoke vest

I just love me some variegated yarn in garter stitch! I am very proud of myself. I channelled EZ and I knit a bit dangerously, without a pattern or instruction, just by how it seemed it could work. Originally, I was going to knit the front and back separately back and forth as I normally do for this sort of garment. But, this yarn had such nice long runs, that I changed my mind. I wanted a square yoke like I've seen on "Milo", except I believe I am knitting in the other other direction ( from the bottom). And I thought about how I could do so. Making a mitered corner ( sl1 k2tog, psso on top of one another every other row) makes a right angle, right? and four right angles make a rectangle, right? I took a deep breath and channelled EZ, and I charged ahead, knitting without tears or fear.

After binding off for the armholes, I was left with 40 stitches for the front and 40 for the back. I cast on 40 stitches at each armhole to make the "straps" going up the side. And joined each to the rest of the work in the round as I went, careful not to twist them. Then did the decrease at the corners every other round and viola! A square yoke. I wasn't entirely sure it had worked until I bound off, and it would have been easier with a second needle to make the goemetry being forced on one circle needle a little less cumbersome, but I managed, and it is exactly what I wanted.

For anyone interested the yarn is classic elite, liberty wool. It is a very soft and light yarn, but to my hand lacks some of the elasticity of other similar weight yarns. All in all an okay yarn, but nothing I'm ecstatic about. But I like the variegated yarn which coordinates with the base. That is nice.

Until next week, may all your crafting be well!











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Here now

The last 4 months or so have seen a shift in our household. We went from normal, to slightly off normal. Yogurt started to have GI and weight issues at the time we started solids. At first we weren't too concerned. His brother had had issues with weight gain too, but then the symptoms got worse, and the weight kept coming on and then off. All the while he remained bright and happy, so I still wasn't that concerned, but the doctors got worried. "sometimes it's hard to tell at this age, whether they are in pain....." This got me thinking about every time Yo had trouble sleeping. But still he was a happy baby.
So we went to the hospital for tests, and we stayed a full week.... They put him on a restricted diet, taught us how to place an orange feeding tube, and fed him more calories then he could possible drink of yucky tasting (and expensive!) elemental formula. That week in the hospital was the worst week in my life. The doctor's disagreed on diagnosis which caused lots of worry and prompted lots of questions. In the end we switched to a third doctor, because we were a little unhappy with how things went down, and the old doctors' seemed completely unconcerned that our child was being fed exclusively through a tube.
The first words out of the new doctor's mouth were "How much is he getting by mouth?" I keep wondering how much of this would have been avoided if we had seen her in the first place.
Four months in and most days Yo still gets most of his food through a tube. We have started to add back some food, all of which I prepare. He has had problems with rice, and we suspect corn. We haven't tried any of the other big suspects.
The process has been draining and has taken a toll on the whole family, but especially me. Luckily, Yo still remains happy.
I desperately want to reclaim our life, and its still there, but I feel like as soon as things start improving, BAM! something happens and throws us off kilter again. We are getting by, but it doesn't take much to unsettle us.
So in this newest year I am embarking on getting back, recovering, and being here.
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State of the Blog

Been thinking about how best to use this space. I probably do this every year, thinking about how the blog fits in my life.

I looked over my old entries, and I have to say it was nice to have that sense of how things have happened.

What I noticed is that this blog has worked well as a knitting blog, but it also carries the thread of our life through it.

The two biggest years (the first and the last) in terms of postage were very craft centered years.

I like that, the crafty dialogue, so it will continue.

I've been experimenting with impressions, little bits of unstructured writing which try to convey a feeling more then explain in detail what the situation is, and I think I like that so you will see more of it too.

I love the pictures of the kids, but due to privacy concerns (theirs not mine) I think I may back off at least somewhat. That's going to be hard to do, and I will miss their pictures, but as they start getting older I don't want this space to be about them without their consent. However, I will still tell our story, sometimes obliquely, sometimes more directly as the situation fits.

I will always put thought into what I post, and what I choose to share.

I will try to improve my use of the English language, meaning I will try to spell correctly.

Also this won't be a space for selling anything. I'm just not into that ( not that I have a readership, but even if I did, I wouldn't except any kind of advertising, other the kind I am not compensated for).

Well that seems to be it. Thank you for allowing this space to just be here.

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Wishing....

Ever feel like as soon you feel confident things are under control, they go and spiral out all over again?

I have a horrible cold, yogurt has a horrible cold, and the weight of that makes everything feel dismal.

I wish a could curl up with some hot tea and knit, but alas...... With a yogurt around who either wants lots of mommy cuddle time, or is up to TROUBLE, we'll you understand.

So here it is, my knitting since Christmas.



Notice I'm knitting for the second time, didn't even bother ripping and rewinding. This is yogurt's Christmas sweater. First time it was way to large, and finally forced after knitting the full skein to admit it, I started again. It will be a roll bottomed vest. The top will be a matching variegated yarn in garter stitch. It is rolling quite a bit more than expected. I even put a garter stitch row to break the roll. Hopefully blocking and wear will fix it, because I am not knitting this skein again!

Lesson We are Transitioning to one nap. After waking up at 6:00, today was a two day nap. Morning no problem. Afternoon was a struggle. In the midst of cajoling the wee one to sleep, i felt anxiety creeping into my being. Really tendrils of stress crawling up my arms and back as I began to worry, what if? what if we don't nap, he will be a wreck by 6:00, and my afternoon will be hell. I caught myself. Worry about an unknown future? What is the use? Concentrate on now. You know he is tired. Don't give up. Be patient and he will fall asleep. Breathe. I calm down, the tendrils disappear, and he's asleep in ten. I swear he can sense my stress, like we are connected).

Today is a time to reflect on the many things we are thankful for. It is also a time to cook, gather, and eat. The littlest member of our household is on a restricted diet. He is being fed yucky formula through a nose tube. He can have small amounts of sweet potato, and today a little frozen banana. He crawls the kitchen looking for crumbs, knowing he wants to eat, but not knowing why it is he can't. It is painful, not being able to feed your child. As I've researched various diseases trying to figure out which one fits us ( we still don't know) I've run into stories. Heartbreaking stories of kids who can't eat, who live on elemental formula, teenagers who willing insert their own feeding tube at night because the pain from their disease when they eat is that awful. I'm sure there are adults as well. And patients who for other reason end up on tube feeds ( one's on chemotherapy come to mind), So today as I eat my food, I am going to be thankful for being able to eat, and I am going to think about all those who can't because they are sick, and I'm going to say a pray for them. I ask that you do the same.

October

hospital stay, broken oven and firemen, new roof, 4 stitches carving pumpkin, some sunshine,a tiny tiger, a power ranger, a tree down, but not on our house

'nuff said

100912 Attachment
to the way i want things to be; clapping hands, sitting in the high chair throwing food at the dog, picking things up with tiny fingers, chubby little boy in handknit vests, and yes my littlest one still snuggling in bed with me nursing himself  back to sleep.
this beautiful vision of babyhood. turning toward childhood obliterated by a week long hospital stay and the intervention: hypoallergenic formula, no food, feeding tube,mittens. so many things i did not want seemingly forced on us by well intentioned doctors.
it has been hard caught between fear and attachment.
i have feared for my baby. i want him better, but it is the attachment ( and my attachment to guilt) that causes me so much pain.
it is so hard to let go of this perfect vision, and the rembrance of his first 9 months, so peaceful and right.
it is hard to accept the reality, he may need this for a little time.
and yet he still smiles, he still claps, he is still mischevious., we still snuggle, and  if i look closely it is still a magical beautiful time
in most of the moments ( not when i trying to place a nasal tube at 1:00 am, mind you, that is not beautiful at all, that i hate with every bit of my being).
we will get better.
we will thrive.
we will push the doctors to move beyond the forced feeds as soon as possible.
this is only transient and will pass, and we will be left with only memories which are so different then the reality.
but the attachment thing is still hard to get around even if i can see the way it is working clear as day.

Roasted butternut squash and carrot soup

1 butternut squash, peeled, seeded, cut  into medium chunks
6 or so carrotts, peeled, cut into 3 inch pieces
2 red bell , or roasting peppers
6 or more cloves garlic
1 yellow onion. diced
4 cups stock of choice or water
olive oil
salt

1. oven at 425
2. prepare vegtables and garlic, mix squash, carrots, red peppers, and garlic in a large bowl with a goodly amount of olive oil to coat
3. place in oven at 425 for about 1 hour 15 minutes, until carrots are soft, and squash just starting to brown. turn  red peppers and other vegtables a couple of times while cooking so the skins get even charred.
4. enjoy smell in house
5. saute onion in olive oil in your favorite soup pot until they are transluscent and softening up.
6. add vegtables from oven. removing skins and caps and most of seeds from peppers
7. add stock of choice or water, bring to boil, lower  to simmer, cook twenty minutes
8. puree in blender, add water if necessary for easy blending, and to get your desired consistancy. i made mine slightly looser than baby food, and problably added 2 extra cups of water
9. season with salt and pepper, and maybe a little cayanne if you don't have little kids who will complain.

playing with children is like a form of meditation sometimes.
in real meditation you focus on one thing, your mind wanders, and you bring it back.
playing with children is sometimes very boring.
your mind wanders. emotions arise.
you need to bring your mind back, to focus.
to remain aware of what you/they are doing.
otherwise they notice.
this is hard to do.
this is practice.
this is meditation.

Crashing at home after a week away.
The jumble that is the kitchen, the house.
Everything where we left it, everywhere.
One boy starts longer days at school.
One boy has learned to clap.
And so we plunge head first straight in.
The mess getting out of our way as we move forward despite it.
(and somehow this is a metaphor for our life/ soul,
you  know what I mean).

Vacation.
This one last chance to chase waves and dip into the pool.
Returning home it will be fall.
The exhaustion of summer giving way to the mindfulness? Of fall.
Looking forward to apples and pumpkins and cooler days.
Changes of season overlies the changes in our lives.
big goals little goals.
Growing boys
A reminder to not rush too much.
Watching him run down the walkway away from the beach I am sad.
He will never be this almost five year old at the beach again.
But he will be that six year old, or that seven year old.
Still the pain is still felt.
We keep moving on.

Food waste Friday

I think we did okay this week, but the weekend may see us not quite getting through everything.

Rescues: Mixed vegetable pasta sauce, consumed lots of my balcony garden goods that were hanging out in fridge, used up lots of tomatoes, yellow squash, eggplant all pureed up with added carrotts,onions and garlic. it was a super bonus because my picky eater ate it ( at least one night ). I used up most of last weeks CSA deliver tonight for a salad. I made it a build you own with cukes, tomato, sauté onions and bell peppers, and boiled new potatoes. There was a lot left over, and now I am wondering why on earth I bought the big container of spring mix. Dinner tonight and maybe lunch on the weekend?

There was an almost rescue of some egg whites reserved from when I made custard ice cream. I tried to make an omelet which turned into a scramble cause I couldn't flip the dern thing, but I over salted it and although it is still pretty tasty one can only eat so much of it. I think I will likely have to throw it out. (actually I ate it for breakfast)

throwing out: Some unused pancake batter from last week, some left over pizza from two weeks ago I forgot about, our CSA cantaloupe which I totally misjudged, possibly another cantaloupe that is already cut up and no one seems to be eating, and a bit of moldy cheddar cheese. There is probably something else, but overall a pretty good week for us. <\p>

Next week we get beets and okra with the CSA. This will be challenging, but I guess that's why we are doing it.

Food Waste Friday

The good: Used up slightly expired eggs, and two oldish russet potatoes for a tortilla (Yum!). Saved Bananas by making freezer banana ice cream ( Yogurt is a big fan) used most of our leftovers, including take out food.

The bad: Plums, pizza stopped liking them, and I got caught with about five on hand, and as I don't like them that much I tossed them. any suggestions for what to do with ripe plums other than eat out of hand? okra from our CSA. I'm the only one who eats the stuff, and I can only stomach so much.

there is also the steak I had to throw out, after accidentally leaving it out, do to the chaos in my kitchen sometimes when I cook. not good, but I won't chance using it.

I noticed last week I was throwing out a lot of half used baby food containers. I took this as a sign the Yogurt may be quickly growing out of eating this stuff. (he is 10 months) The reason for using the baby food was having lots of trouble managing feeding the three of us non babies. I simple didn't have the energy to make my own. but Yogurt is doing great eating door directly off our table. I've kind of decided he will be better served getting our food with its seasonings and salt, then me not feeding him table food because I am not able to prepare him his own thing. Perhpas not the optimal thing, but when is it ever optimal? does that make sense? anyway this has meant much less baby food related waste this week.

Interested

I was able to knit for a full 15 minutes with Yogurt playing at my side. I fill up a bin with his toys and then give it too him. He loves taking things out piece by piece and look at them, then toss them aside.

Then he got interested in what I was doing. A tug of war, albiet a very gentle one, ensued. After wresting the needles away from him, it was agreed that knitting time was over for the day.

The tank is coming along. It appears to fit now, after taking in, a bit aggressively toward the end. I have just divided from the armholes, and am now working back and forth in garter stitch. I'd better figure out what the top is going to look like fast, huh?

In other news, I have an eggplant problem. Pictured is my harvest from last week. Since I'm pretty much the only one who eats eggplant, except maybe Yogurt who will eat it when softened in soup, I decided to make Babe Ganoush (sp?). It is yummy, and insures no eggplant will be left behind. Now what to do with the squash?

Tangled

I am sparing you the gory pics, but I had a problem winding yarn from its skein. I swear there is something wrong with these skeins because I had the same problem when I wound the ball I started my sweater on. It was a mess and instead of taking me an hour or so the wind the ball of yarn (being miserly, I neither own a winder nor a swift, I usually use the back of chair or a square laundry basket), it took days on and off when I could bear giving it a little attention. But it got done, and I knit on. Not sure how this will turn out. Knitting to about 14 inches then switching back to blue, changing to garter stitch and separating back and front for arm holes. It's still a little biggish. This could be a catastrophe in the making.

A Garden Post

Do you remeber when spring was in the air and I had all sorts of crazy ambitions about putting in an in ground vegtable garden?

Well...it kinda didn't happen, yet. It's alot of work having a baby around, and I didn't have the energy. And then there was the trip to Lowes that almost broke my husbands back. And then as the leaves came in on the trees, I realized I didn't have 6 hours of sunlight, but about 5 in the spot I had picked. And I kept looking for the right spot. And well, the box for the raised bed has moved around alot. I think I may have finally settled on a spot. But it being hot, the 7 bags of garden soil are still sitting in the garage, and I think maybe we will do fall garden, or maybe we will set up the soil and let it overwinter and start off fresh next spring?

But I still have the container garden on the balcony to talk about. And it is a jungle up there, right outside my kitchen, where there is plenty of sunshine, and I get to look out on it every day from the kitchen sink.

Let's see. I have two big old tomato plants, loaded with tomatoes. They are just starting to turn, and I am watching them everyday. The tomatoes are big time drinkers. I fill up their resevoir everyday to the brim, and they still sort of wilt midday if it's reall hot. They are completely empty of water every morning.

Then there are the two squash plants. One is a green zuccinni, and one is called golden egg. They are huge and growing out of their container. They got battered pretty good in the storm, but seem to be holding thier own now. I've already harvested off of them, and they seem to be averaging a new good sized fruit per week each. Sometimes its two little ones, but you get the idea.

Also a success are the eggplant, called fairytale hybrid. They have the most delicate little flowers, and they seem to really like the containers. This is a dwarf variety that gives the cutest little tiny purple and white speckled fruit. I 've started harvesting off these too, and they are tasty.

These pictures were taken several weeks ago, and it is amazing to me how quick things change out there when the sun is sunny ( and storms are blowy).

We tried some green beans, but it's awful hard to get a decent harvest in such a small space. I am rethinking this for next year. Same thing for peas. The strawberries and still hanging in there, and I deciding wether to keep them for next year, or plant some herbs in their boxes, or some mixture of both.

The garden is a learning experience. I feel like every year I do this I get a little better at it. It is as with many things important not to take your failures to heart. We will get a small harvest this year, but it will be stuff we like to eat. And next year who knows?

Derecho

We had one crazy weekend. First the inlaws and my niece came for a visit Friday to spend the weekend (this is a rare occurance, they don't travel much). So we had a lovely inside bbq ( way too hot to eat outside, but we did cook outside). Then the storm hit right after everybody went to bed. The power actually went out seconds before the storm hit, but it was one crazy storm ( called a derecho, apparently, happens alot in the midwest). We were lucky. No house damage, but with no power, and not even needing to be told that it was going to take awhile, and the prospect of another day over a hundred degrees, we packed up quickly and got out of dodge.

So instead of spending the weekend with Nana and Pop-pop at our house, we went back to NJ and spent the weekend with them at their house and their communtiy pool, (and don't forget their AC). It was a exhausting weekend for all nonetheless, especially for my husband who logged the driving hours.

I one the otherhand got to log some knitting hours in the car. And this is where I am on my tank:

Not terribly exciting. It is a bit big, but I think it will be alright. It will be low slung, so meant to go over my hips. I am decreasing at "seams" every inch or so. Hopefully the weight of the yarn won't cause it to drap unattractively. And hopefully I have enough yarn for such a big project. We shall see.

Have a Happy Fourth! See you next week, maybe.....

Two months

Two months give or take from last post. Reasons: nasty summer colds, teething baby, ever more mobile baby, ever more opionated baby, vacation, some knitting malaise, and just plain summer busy.

First up in knitpicks cotlin, a cute tank top for Yogurt, based loosely on "Pebble" but knit in the round without buttons, and then back and forth in garter stitch past the armholes. It was quick and easy, taking about 1 50 gram ball. I knit it on vacation in lovely Hilton Head, SC.

Second, something started for myself. A summer tank top likely. Hopefully I haven't started it too loose. It is a recycled cotton/ acrylic blend. I forget the name. It has been slow going because of a lack of time to work on it. Let's see if I can make a little progress?

My anabel sweater is on hold until the fall. It is too hot to work with wool, unless it is lace or sock weight.

After reading (well listening to) "The Night Circus" I am thinking on a bright red scarf. I will continue thinking until I'm done the tank top. But thinking (and looking) is fun.