Merry Christmas

Snowed In!

We just got plowed! Four days after the storm! Two feet of snow in one day! The county forgot we existed (i.e. we are on the east side of the county and don't have enough money to be bothered with, also why our schools aren't so great).

Three days in a house with a 2-year-old. I think we fared pretty well. I can't say he loved the snow. It was too much. He couldn't walk anywhere. And it was cold, and he didn't want to wear mittens. He did help shovel, and mowed the snow. We need a sled, and a second shovel, and better mittens. My husband wants a snow blower, but I think that is being a little reactionary. The house is a disaster, but that's normal.

The CRV got out this morning. Mr. Jetta is staying home one more day and hoping for some melting. The real question is whether the CRV will make it back up the hill. People have been abandoning their cars at the bottom of the hill all weekend. Our neighbor is parked in our driveway because they couldn't make it up the rest of the hill.

Husband took child to daycare and I stayed I have a bad cold.I needed rest. I never stay home from work, so you know I must be feeling pretty rundown. I'm not feeling guilty about it. Life happens I can't to anything about it. I get snowed in for three days. I get sick. Work will wait, even if there is a clock ticking on my fellowship (and career). Perhaps all the more reason not to care.

Stay tuned for the holiday post. We will survive even if my brother -in- law gets a late gift because we can't get to the store....

Holiday Madness

(picture of boy "fixing" his new Hanukkah gift. Please not he is not mad, although he is quite often "Mad, Mad, Mad" in the toddler who wants dangerous things his parents won't let him have like scissors or stoves, sense of the word)

My family has quiet literally gone mad this season. Mom has been in a hospital since Thanksgiving. She has early onset dementia complicated by chronic alcohol abuse. It's probably the most complicated relationship I will ever have. It's still changing and I'm still trying to figure it out. She is a difficult and tragic character. The conversations I've had with my mom in the hospital are more normal than any I've had with her for ten years. I guess I am grateful for the opportunity to talk to her again. She should be home soon, and hopefully we can handle the new medicated mom.

My sister already commented on her loss and how it has been felt for years by our family, particularly around the holiday time. I'm cautiously optimistic we can now reach a better equilibrium, and maybe sort of have her back for awhile. We shall see...

In the midst of all these goings on the boy turned 2. He is a remarkable little guy. I feel like we maybe shortchanged him a little bit on the birthday, but he did get a party with all the Jersey relatives. This is probably the last year I can get away with planning nothing for him. But he was happy, and got to open lots of presents and eat carvel cake, and see his cousins, and Nana and Pop-pop (who he adores). Than last weekend Nana and Pop-pop visited us for early Hanukkah, and he got more presents and had a blast.

In our mixed holiday traditions, the tree will go up this weekend and I will make potato and sweet potato latkes. Hopefully we can finish our Christmas shopping. Maybe I will make toffee....

And I'm almost done my official Christmas knitting. I've knit two presents to be given alongside other "real" gifts. Neither item is worn. One is missing two legs and two ears. The other is a set missing buttons. Intriguing?

I have two things on needles right now. The aforementioned present missing parts, and a pair of "on-hold" socks, from Wendy Johnson's book. I'm itching to cast-on. I saw a cute hat pattern, and I'm thinking about Calluna. Also we need ornaments for the tree.....

I finished the diagonal lace socks, and have worn then several times. The fit very nicely. And the other set of presents.

Don't know if I'll get much time to post, so have a happy sane holiday for me.

Ahhhhhh...... (note sigh of relief, not aggrevation

Things got quickly resolved, thanks to new doc. Thank you new doc, you really seem to know what your doing, even if you look a little bit overworked.

Here is a picture of Miss Anna in her finally complete handknit. See how much she seems to love it!

Will I ever learn?

Healthcare

Warning: this is a rant in which I use fake profanity, and the occasional "damn" and "pissed off" and "hell". Sorry for my lack of usual discretion. I will return to the normal nonsensical dribble about knitting and 2-year-olds shortly.

After the last three weeks or so trying to get I-131 "therapy" scheduled, and dealing an unrelated urgent medical need, I think I've decided I'm all for a single payer healthcare system or something. It sure as heck has to beat what we've got.

No, it's not that an in imminent danger of being kicked out of my insurance coverage or something like that. It's just the inability to get information out of people or get things done, or receive a phone call back. I know doctor's offices are busy places, but I'm trying to get treated for cancer (albeit a not terribly serious kind) so I can have my life back, and get off the medical crazy train I'm on. Yes, I will leave you the xxxx alone, if you do your xxxxing job, and coordinate my damn medical care. And if someone could have just come out and said it might take 3 weeks to get a date (yes, to schedule the procedure, which has to be scheduled at least 4-6 weeks in advance anyway, not actually have the procedure) it would have made me feel a whole hellofalot better. Just knowing a reasonable time frame to expect that you might be able to work out whatever it is you need to work out. And then I probably would have left you alone as well.

Instead nobody bothers to tell me what is going on. All I get is the impression that my file is literally sitting on some physician's desk waiting for her to get around to it. All you needed to do was tell me that you were waiting for a response from my doctor, and I could have gotten on the phone to my doctor and annoyed the hell out of their office until they answered the physician's question. Or you could have asked me and I would have clued you in the fact that I was pretty much decided on going withdrawl over Thyrogen stimulated therapy 'cause I feel based on my own research that although an annoyance, the withdrawl is probably a little better than Thyrogen and a don't want to go through this more than once (thank you very much!!!!!). And yes I do understand that it makes said physician's life slightly more difficult b/c the scheduling is harder. Sorry.

The end result is that I ended up going to a 2nd doctor, who the surgeon recommended, who deals with this hospital all the time, and I think they are going to set this up, and then I will follow up with my old doctor, because a generally like him, even if his office is incompetent and slow as molasses. I hope I haven't pissed anyone off too much by doing this.

I feel like I'm cheating on my endocrinologist. Yes, somewhere amoungst the feelings of indignation and frustration I also feel guilty.

And I don't even have a date yet.

Scars

aka "Mommy. Boo-boo."

I'm trying my best to own my fresh scars with pride. It's a pity I had to go through this again so soon. The old one had healed so nicely, but I new there was a better than average chance that at some point the otherside might need to be removed for one reason or another.

I keep it out of the sun mostly, but I don't hide it. If people ask I explain matter of factly. I have thyroid cancer. It's very common, especially in women my age. It's a curable kind of cancer (especially in women my age).

It's a distraction.

It's an annoyance.

It's a little scary.

It makes you think, about you know.......life.

And with any luck, in a couple of months I should have my life back.

Beach 2009

It's been a little while, and we've been all kinds of busy.

One thing that happened in the time between posts was our annual trip to Duck, N.C. It was very different from last year. For instance last year we were all about walking places in the stroller with a non-mobile kid. This year? We might as well have left the stroller at home for the amount of time he would agree to sit in it without demanding "Bup!"

That being said it was a good time. Nanna came with us for the week, and Pop-pop joined us for a couple of days. Sean really got to know Nanna. And his face would light up when he saw her.

He was a little unsure of the beach thing at first, but as you can see he got into it eventually. We did have a lot of rain (what do you do with a toddler on a rainy day at the beach?), but we also had several really nice days so it worked out.

Perfect Day

Today was the perfect summer Sunday. The weather was beautiful, and everybody in our house was in a great mood. We just seemed to feed off of each other, especially the little guy. He just seemed to bubble from moment to moment in the way that only a toddler can. Each moment being exciting and fun. And it didn't hurt that we slept in til 7:00!

First the zoo where the little guy found the misters, ran for them and got soaked every time (hey a I let him, how could I not,he found it so interesting and funny that he was getting wet). Then home for a nice long nap. Lunch at subway, which he ate for once! And then off for our last afternoon at the pool. The little guy is just starting to figure out how to kick in the water. Next year he'll swimming for sure (well maybe). And he and mommy split a Klondike bar! He really liked it. Then home for a quick bath and we dared go to the local pub for pizza at 6:00. And get this: He sat through the entire meal. We had a little help from the TVs (it is a sports bar), Especially the Nascar station. Anytime he got antsy, we would just point to the TV and say "Look at the cars" And he would start sating "cahr, cahr" And he ate pizza, and ravioli, and mozzarella sticks. It was the biggest meal he's ever had. And if you consider that he had half a Klondike bar an hour or so earlier. It was impressive!

Anyway I just wanted to remember this day, because it is the culmination of a wonderful summer with our amazing boy.

Now I am off to work on the new sock I am knitting... More about that later. Have a great week.

Helper

My little helper and I had a photo shoot this afternoon for actual finished objects:

He also helped me by insisting on carrying the doggy poop bag after the dogs walk. He carried it up the street, into the house, out to the garage, and into the trash proclaiming "Peeeeh (U)"

He is just so darn cute that its (thankfully) hard to stay mad at him for all the little irascible things he does.

Mommy Stuff

(This is a picture of the boy from earlier in the summer. We went strawberry picking, and saw farm animals. I wrote this blurb shortly after mother's day and wasn't sure if I would publish it, but here goes... I will try to write more about this later)

I think I’m going through a sort of midlife crisis. My fellowship ends next February, so I’ve been weighing things, trying to figure out who I am, and where I want to be. I haven’t though this introspectively about my life since the unhappy period in my life that was high school.

There are many things that my mind is trying to balance at once while I figure this out. Being mommy, wanting another, the economy, my husband’s career, my career (such that it is), what I want to do, what I should do, what I could do… It’s really a lot for my analytical brain to handle.

What I want to do? After a little over 1 year back from my maternity leave, I want to stay home with the boy. I’ve wrestled with this a lot, and when I became a mother 17 months ago, I didn’t think I would feel this way. Rather, I didn’t let myself acknowledge that there was a possibility I would feel this way.

At the end of my maternity leave I was ready to go back. No, I was determined to go back.But it was the crushing routine, of pumping (four times a day), getting everything ready for daycare, dropping off, going to work where I couldn’t get any traction on my projects, leaving at 5:00 to pick up the pooh, and then coming home, washing baby dishes, going to sleep. Restart next day.

It was hard. I swore every day, when I walked from my car to the building where I work with tears in my eyes, I would never do it this way again.I will say that things got better. No pumping anymore. The boy mostly sleeps well. I am well rested. I finally got my research moving forward.

But now I feel hopelessly divided. I can’t put the time in at the lab to do everything that I should be doing. I have to prioritizes, and this means making good guesses, and leaving lots of loose ends. I can feel the project coming together into a paper, but I’m not sure anyone other than me cares about the phenomena I’m studying, so I’m not sure how well such a paper will be received. I’m making it work, but just barely.

And then there is the boy. He is growing up and doing amazing things. And it is happening so goddamn fast! And we struggle to take him to the park on the weekend ( the only time we have to do such things) because we are so busy with errands, and tired. And this bothers me. I don’t like feeling divided, and I don’t like short changing my kid.

So you see where I’m coming from. I build my career around my life, not the other way around. For awhile I want to stay home. Try my hand at teaching as an adjunct so I’m doing something to keep moving forward, or sideways, but hopefully not backward. But then there are the other two questions. Should I do this? A one paycheck household scares me, especially these days. Is this the right thing for Sean. He likes daycare, and being around other kids. And the more dubious one, Can I do this?

More Socks......

These are Dead Simple Lace Socks from Wendy Johnson's book, "Socks from the Toe-Up" or something like that. (I need to remeber how to do links, like a good blogger). For some reason this sock looks way better in this photo, than it does in real life. It usually doesn't work out way. The yarn is Socks that Rock Nyame, which I refer to (in my head) as Nynaeve because I am reading Robert Jordan this summer. I am quite enjoying the Robert Jordan, that is why I knit so slow. It's either read for an hour, or knit, and most nights I read.

Happy 4th (belated of course)

"Little boys are just little dudes, aren't they?" mother of 6 year old girl at the pool.

When did he start being a little boy?

Socks part II

I finished these about a month ago. They are better than my first pair: A little snuggier, and the yarn doesn't seem to be as prone to balling (there is a proper term for what I'm trying to say, but I just can't remeber it). Yeah! I can knit a pair of socks in the summer, that I can't wear until mid-October at the earliest.

Another pair of Socks has been started. Actually I finished the first of that pair, but more on that later. Also more on the fascinating adventures of one 18 month old little boy.

ZOO!

New sock well underway. Just hope there's enough yarn for two.

Accomplishments

The boy walks! And he likes to help out around the house.

The evil socks are done.

Anna's sweater needs only four buttons.

And a new pair of socks are underway, but more on that later....

Evil Sock

I had a knitters moment last night. I've been steadfastly working on the above pictured sock. It is a standard normal sock with short-row heel and short-row toe. It looks pretty innocent doesn't it?

I have felt for awhile that my knitting resume is deficient in sock knitting, so I set out to knit a simple sock that would fit my foot. You see most of the socks I have knit come out large and are comfy but somewhat dangerous on hardwood floors.

So i picked out this very simple pattern with the short-row heel and toe thrown in because I wanted to learn how to make a sock this way, and because I thought it might be better fitting than your standard gusset and picked up stiches sock. And I think this was a good deciscion.

Nevermind that I knit the heel three times last weekend to get it perfect. Nevermind that I basically did the same thing with the toe because I kept forgetting a stitch after I turned the toe, and again I wanted to get it right

As I closed the toe to the foot with a zigzag bind-off and I was all but three stiches from the end, disater struck. I didn't notice when it happened. It was 11:00 at night. I stayed up to finish the sock. I finished it and looked at it, and was pretty happy, until I noticed the dropped stich about three stiches from the end.

I thought, well I'll just rip it back and reclose. Except when I went to rip it back the yarn caught on itself and was really being stuborn. So in a fit of frustration I did what any crazied and tearful knitter would do. I took scissors to the toe. And as I tried to get clear of the mess that creates, the yarn kept catch and I couldn't get clear of the tangle. At this point I went downstairs to my husband who was really as understanding as any non-knitter could be about these things. He said some things that where all very sensical. The sock had been into the garbage about three or four times at this point. I kept saying its not salvagable. He kept saying put it away and look at it tommorrow. Eventually I grabbed a bottle of wine from the pantry, poured a glass for me and my husband , and I put the sock away.

Of course the baby and I had a competition to see who was more cranky this morning ( I think I won hands down, I don't sleep well when a drink, even a little and I wasn't ready to get up at 6:00 with a screaming 15 month old). But we have since recovered. Groceries have been bought. He is know napping and the sock minus the toe and an inch or so of the foot has been salvaged. It is still an evil sock. And to think I need to knit a second one. Maybe I should stick to sweaters!

Finished Green Sweater, and The Allergist

So it might have taken me the time it took me to gestate the model, but the green sweater (Trellis) is finished and functional. I finally got a chance to get the boy outside for his photo shoot. Isn't he an excellent model!

I'm pretty happy with it, the sleeves are a bit long, which doesn't bother me because I can just role them up, and it isn't quite as roomy as I would expect an 18 month sweater to by on my little guy, but it is finished, and even has nice wooden buttons.

However, in what a consider a great twist of irony, the night after I finished sewing the buttons on, I took the little guy to an allergist to look into the excema rash (which isn't very apparent in this picture, but probably is in some of older posts) that is on his cheeks and has been there since he was four months old. As we hit the colder months it started getting worse and worse, and we decided it was time to see if it was being caused by a detecable allergy to something. The Allergist recommend a dozen things to get the rash under control, and sent us on a treasure hunt all over town to find good lotions. But amoung the recomendations was to avoid clothing of any other material other than 100% cotton. Being that I knit everybody else's babies things in at least a cotton blend so as not to be irritating, I find it a little ironic that I knit this in wool, it took so long, and I put so much love and care to making it nice, and now little guy can't even wear it! Ah well, Thems the Breaks! I'm sure Anna will like it next year.

A sweater for Anna Lucy

• Harvey Kimono sweater (the girlie version) from "Natural Knits"


• in green apple shine sport weight (a somewhat unatural yarn, but it should be non-allergenic and machine washable which are big pluses for baby sweaters)


• knit on #4 knitpicks harmony needles, and #3 whatever they call their metal needles

This is the 3rd or 4th baby sweater I've knit in this yarn. I like it for the above mentioned reasons, but I'm not thrilled with how it feels on the needles. It's pretty slippery, especially on the metal ones. Thank goodness I got gauge with that size 4, harmony needle that are wood, and all I have to knit with the metal is the picot edge and a little bit of cuff.

Not to scoop my sister, but she did take my name afterall, but this sweater is for a very special little girl who I'm looking forward to getting to know better.

Welcome to the world, little one! You have a great family to take care of you .

There might be even a slight chance that one day she will ask me to teach her to knit (which I don't think my son, or my nephew, or my other niece for that matter ever will, but who knows they might suprise me). I hold out great hope for this one. I should do that whole holding the knitting needles thing with her. Too bad I'm not a better knitter

We Survived Holiday '08!

Last year the holidays passed in the blurr of having a 1-month old. I remeber everyone coming to us, and eating some kind of dinner, and holding the little guy who slept most of the time. And somehow presents were exchanged, but it was basically a blurr to my sleep deprived mind, but a pleasant one.

This year was rough. It was important to me to start observing the holidays a little bit, so we got a tree (and put all four ornaments on it). And we did the family thing at my parents which was fun. I did eventually finish the little guy's sweater. And a was looking forward to a little time off work, and letting my husband take care of the little guy a little bit, so I could do something unheard of like knit during daylight hours, and maybe I would get to go out somewhere by myself.

Unfourtunately, I had two bouts of a stomach virus one a week before Christmas, and one, that everybody got, starting with the little guy, over the New Year's Holiday. I guess this is just one of the things you expect with a kid in daycare, but I sort of feel a little ripped off about the Holiday thing. I mean I'm really glad nobody was sick on the actually Christmas day, but I've been dealing with a cranky kid all weekend, and I'm tired from being sick myself. I don't feel at all rested, I had to take two days off of work I wasn't expecting to (and can ill afford), and I didn't get time to myself,and I don't see much prospect for that in the near future.

I know I shouldn't be complaining too much. I have alot to be thankful for, and I know there are alot of people out there in that world who were suffering a lot more than me over this holiday, but I'm a little crabby.

However, tommorrow is the start of a new week, and the start of a new life (well, probably more than one, but at least one I know of). Good luck big sister, I hope everything goes smoothly tommorrow, and hopefully sometime this week I will get to visit you guys and welcome my new niece. And if that isn't something to be happy about, I don't know what is!