T shirt!

I sewed a T shirt! and it is recognizable as a T shirt! And nothing got jammed in the new sewing machine. Early on in my sewing career, I had a pretty bad experience with knits, and I decided I needed more sewing experience before trying them again.

This is the raw edge raglan from Sewing For Boys. It was pretty easy. The only thing that didn't turn out great was the collar, and I think that's just a matter of practice.

I've got to say that success feeds my ambition. The Celebrate the Boy series Here and Here was also very inspiring. So many ideas for cute clothes to make little boys look cool!

Snow day

(outside our front door this morning)

snow day?really? this is more snow then we've gotten all year.
Both boys at home with me alone.
Thomas and Timmy and Atlantis.
short but frequent trips outside to relish winter's last? Hoorah.
a pile of coats and boots by the front door ( I thought we were done)
a turkeybreast in the oven for Passover dinner, just us and not quite kosher.
A play room full of toys becoming the place the boys want to be.
New markers waiting to be colored with.
And whatever else we come up with to spend this quiet day.

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More QCT and some knitting

I have been on a reading tear of late. I made a new year's resolution to read along with Diane Rehm's reader's review. January was The Brief and Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao, something I would never have picked up on my own, and it was somehow unexpectedly entertaining and challenging. February was The March by E.L. Doctorow and I consumed that in a little over two weeks, leaving me time to pick up good old Harry Potter, something securely in my comfort zone. I am about a third of the way through " The Order of the Phoenix"

Knitting wise I am moving along on Yogurt's vest, which might become a short sleeve sweater instead. At 6 st/inch this isn't super fast, but it is coming along. Lifestyles? Yarn in navy from the stash.

I also finished a pair of Quick Change Trousers ( QCT ) from Handmade Beginnings. The boys let me do some sewing on the weekend, and I finished the rest in 15 minute intervals alotted to me by Yogurt during the week. I just finished them this morning. I had to avoid the temptation to play with my new machine which arrived Monday! But now I am freed up to play with it.

So far I am crafting all out of my stash ( new sewing machine excluded, it was time for something which might be able to handle knits), but the temptations are strong, so very strong. Let's see if I can make it another month or two




A little close up on the knitting. Hard to see the detail in Navy!

Linking two places this week! KCCO and Small Things, and stash bash here too!

Have a lovely week all!

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I sometimes like to an anti-perfect mommy blog. Meaning I might let you see glimpses of the not perfect way I am raising my kids ( and not meaning I am in anyway against the perfect parenting blogs with their pretty glossy pictures, because I like those quite a bit).

This is one of those posts.

Daddy was away in London-town this week.

I would like to thank the creators of Mystic Power Rangers. You allowed me to get little to bed without the interruption of big.

We watched a bit more TV than I would normally allow, and I will be paying for that next week, when things are back to normal.

I even let Yo watch a little Backyardigans, and Pound Puppies. He really likes the opening theme to Pound Puppies.

We ate at McDonald's one night this week ( we never do that), but I did make cauliflower curry, and Pizza did eat it.

Pizza was allowed daddy's spot in my bed, he brought all his blankies and made a nest surrounding himself that took up 3/4 of the bed. I ( and Yo in the wee hours) slept on the remaining sliver.

I somehow and for some reason sewed a skirt. I think this helped keep me sane.

I did no laundry, and will be regretting it this weekend.

I did do the dishes, but just about everything else in the house was overtaken by the chaos of two little boys. Things were allowed to stay where they lay.

I looked over in the wee hours to see the boys holding hands, but if Pizza woke up to find Yogurt on his blankie......not good.

I am glad to report Daddy is back and things are returning to normal. Hopefully we won't have to do this for awhile.


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Skirt

Things been a little crazy round here, you know? The burst of activity that started the year, hmmmmm... It evaporated when Febuary came. It has something to do with little Yo's health related issues, which put me over an edge of worry, which somehow makes me unable to do anything. But also I don't love what I got going on the needles (knitting). And I can't seem to sew anything other than quick change trousers.

Case on point: Trouble finishing seams on my skirt: I accidentally pegged the fabric while sewing a zigzag on the seam allowance. This was easy to correct, but I also ruined a pair of pants for Pizza, and had to cut out the seam and re sew it on this skirt for doing something similar when sewing a seam allowance down.





I don't know why this keeps happening. Am I rushing too much? Does the lack of a proper ironing board cover mean I'm not really pressing things adequately? Am I just too distracted? To focused on trying to finish something and not
really being present for the process itself.

So I doubled down, used an old quilty thing as a temporary ironing board cover ( my old one up and died, whatever was holding its shape just stopped doing it ), took things a little slower, and pressed things a little better. And I was able to finish the skirt, with pockets!



It is a simple skirt made from 2 yds. of Amy butler fabric I bought over a year ago. I cut it in half. Sewed the two rectangles together. Finished the seams with zig-zag, and sewed down ( urgggg). Made a two inch deep ordinary hem. Made a casing at the top,pulled the elastic through, and there you go. (Lookie there no pattern. I can actually make something without one.) Now I need boots to wear with it!

I think a shall link this one up to the Stash busting business, at CCM, although I am a day late. So far I am sticking to the moratorium on new craft projects. And I apologize about the blurry picture, but you get a glimpse of Yo to make up for it. The only way I actually blog these bays is via iPad and iPad photos which aren't always the greatest.

Overwhelmed

The touch of his tiny hand on my breastbone, thump, thump, as he settles into his morning nap. The delicious weight af his head resting in the nook of my arm,the warmth of his body against my legs. His peculiar smell, of baby sweat, the tomato soup he had for dinner last night, and something sweet. His gentle breathing.
Faced with being the adult, the one who must decide. What if I choose wrong, what if happenstance or slight risk or error were to do the unspeakable. For I won't write it not here. What the hell do I know about risks and complications, of general anesthesia, of anemia? In the end it isn't so much choice but trust in those doctor's, but they are only human, and this doesn't seem good enough, not for my little one.


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Creating

Saturday afternoon. he with his duplo blocks making "a really big space ship" . Me with my needles making a really big vest thing.



During the week I had a sick baby at my side. I took advantage of his lack of mobility and sewed for the first time in months. While it was sad that the baby wasn't crawling around very much, the first time we have seen his disease affect him in a real noticeable way, the sewing helped me keep my mind occupied with something other than worry, something positive. After many 15 minute interludes of sewing, I was able to finish a pair of quick change trousers, a pair that has been in the planning for at least six months. Of course we wore them all weekend!




Over the weekend I was able to cut out for another pair. And when I declared at 4:00 on Sunday that I was going to retire into my sewing " studio" to work for one hour, guess what happened? My older one followed me into the living room, and said he wanted to learn. He has had a heavy interest in the mysterious sewing machine for awhile. So I suggested we make a tote bag for him to take to school. He picked out the fabric. He ironed it. I cut it. He picked the thread. We went over the sewing machine basics. He pushed down the pedal ( with great glee) while a guided the first few seams through. He is too short to both reach the pedal and steer, which is just as we'll, because I don't want his fingers getting crushed by the needle. So he helped sew the basic bag, and I made straps, and am in the process of hand sewing them onto the bag. He wants it done by tomorrow, but that is not going to happen.




crafting on with Frontier dreams
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The week gone by

It was a two pizza week.
The first due to an all day ER visit with Yo.
The second, burnt chili. Still cleaning out the pot ( my favorite).
A challenging week with a baby too sick to crawl,who took to mom and dad's bed, and got used to it ( so much for doing yoga after the kids are in bed)
By the end he was happier, and crawling, a bit shaky, but at least trying.
And there was snow.
Never seen a kid so happy with his orange shovel clearing the whole quarter inch off the driveway, probably making it slicker than it was or would have been.
He got a quarter anyway, for the x-wing fighter he is dreaming about.
And we got to finally use our sled and our new hill.


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State of the Stash

As I've been cleaning house in a project whose code name is project equanimity, I've run into my stash, hidden under the living room couch (mostly). I would like to say neatly hidden, but every now and then the littles find it and rummage through, and yes, I have also been known to rummage and then shove everything back all higgley-piggley.

The stash reminds me that I have no earthly reason to buy more yarn. There are at least 5 or 6 projects waiting to be knit or reknit as the case may be.

But the temptations are constant. Going to Yo's doctor brings me right near my favorite yarn store. And all the lovelies I see on line when I look at other people's knitting...sigh.

In the interest of stash busting, I am posting my yarn and what I intend to do with it.

Project 1: Vest for self using leftover quince and co. Osprey? It will be the same kind of garter stitch yoke I've used for some of Yogurt's vests, with a garter stitch bottom border ( instead of a roll). To be worn under long-sleeve t - shirts.




Project 2: Navy blue v-neck for Yogurt



Project 3:Honey Cowl in the lovely grey wool. This needs re knitting. I messed up the first time, and don't know how to fix it other than rip all the way back. I might change the size too.




Project 4: The red scarf inspired by the Night Circus. Haven't picked a pattern yet.



Project 5: Socks




This is just what jumps out at me when I look. Some other random yarn may also turn itself into something of the other. There is also I sweater stuffed in a bag, which needs to be reknit, cause I don't think the size will work.

So, no need to buy yarn, right? RIGHT?

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Square yoke vest

I just love me some variegated yarn in garter stitch! I am very proud of myself. I channelled EZ and I knit a bit dangerously, without a pattern or instruction, just by how it seemed it could work. Originally, I was going to knit the front and back separately back and forth as I normally do for this sort of garment. But, this yarn had such nice long runs, that I changed my mind. I wanted a square yoke like I've seen on "Milo", except I believe I am knitting in the other other direction ( from the bottom). And I thought about how I could do so. Making a mitered corner ( sl1 k2tog, psso on top of one another every other row) makes a right angle, right? and four right angles make a rectangle, right? I took a deep breath and channelled EZ, and I charged ahead, knitting without tears or fear.

After binding off for the armholes, I was left with 40 stitches for the front and 40 for the back. I cast on 40 stitches at each armhole to make the "straps" going up the side. And joined each to the rest of the work in the round as I went, careful not to twist them. Then did the decrease at the corners every other round and viola! A square yoke. I wasn't entirely sure it had worked until I bound off, and it would have been easier with a second needle to make the goemetry being forced on one circle needle a little less cumbersome, but I managed, and it is exactly what I wanted.

For anyone interested the yarn is classic elite, liberty wool. It is a very soft and light yarn, but to my hand lacks some of the elasticity of other similar weight yarns. All in all an okay yarn, but nothing I'm ecstatic about. But I like the variegated yarn which coordinates with the base. That is nice.

Until next week, may all your crafting be well!











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Here now

The last 4 months or so have seen a shift in our household. We went from normal, to slightly off normal. Yogurt started to have GI and weight issues at the time we started solids. At first we weren't too concerned. His brother had had issues with weight gain too, but then the symptoms got worse, and the weight kept coming on and then off. All the while he remained bright and happy, so I still wasn't that concerned, but the doctors got worried. "sometimes it's hard to tell at this age, whether they are in pain....." This got me thinking about every time Yo had trouble sleeping. But still he was a happy baby.
So we went to the hospital for tests, and we stayed a full week.... They put him on a restricted diet, taught us how to place an orange feeding tube, and fed him more calories then he could possible drink of yucky tasting (and expensive!) elemental formula. That week in the hospital was the worst week in my life. The doctor's disagreed on diagnosis which caused lots of worry and prompted lots of questions. In the end we switched to a third doctor, because we were a little unhappy with how things went down, and the old doctors' seemed completely unconcerned that our child was being fed exclusively through a tube.
The first words out of the new doctor's mouth were "How much is he getting by mouth?" I keep wondering how much of this would have been avoided if we had seen her in the first place.
Four months in and most days Yo still gets most of his food through a tube. We have started to add back some food, all of which I prepare. He has had problems with rice, and we suspect corn. We haven't tried any of the other big suspects.
The process has been draining and has taken a toll on the whole family, but especially me. Luckily, Yo still remains happy.
I desperately want to reclaim our life, and its still there, but I feel like as soon as things start improving, BAM! something happens and throws us off kilter again. We are getting by, but it doesn't take much to unsettle us.
So in this newest year I am embarking on getting back, recovering, and being here.
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State of the Blog

Been thinking about how best to use this space. I probably do this every year, thinking about how the blog fits in my life.

I looked over my old entries, and I have to say it was nice to have that sense of how things have happened.

What I noticed is that this blog has worked well as a knitting blog, but it also carries the thread of our life through it.

The two biggest years (the first and the last) in terms of postage were very craft centered years.

I like that, the crafty dialogue, so it will continue.

I've been experimenting with impressions, little bits of unstructured writing which try to convey a feeling more then explain in detail what the situation is, and I think I like that so you will see more of it too.

I love the pictures of the kids, but due to privacy concerns (theirs not mine) I think I may back off at least somewhat. That's going to be hard to do, and I will miss their pictures, but as they start getting older I don't want this space to be about them without their consent. However, I will still tell our story, sometimes obliquely, sometimes more directly as the situation fits.

I will always put thought into what I post, and what I choose to share.

I will try to improve my use of the English language, meaning I will try to spell correctly.

Also this won't be a space for selling anything. I'm just not into that ( not that I have a readership, but even if I did, I wouldn't except any kind of advertising, other the kind I am not compensated for).

Well that seems to be it. Thank you for allowing this space to just be here.

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Wishing....

Ever feel like as soon you feel confident things are under control, they go and spiral out all over again?

I have a horrible cold, yogurt has a horrible cold, and the weight of that makes everything feel dismal.

I wish a could curl up with some hot tea and knit, but alas...... With a yogurt around who either wants lots of mommy cuddle time, or is up to TROUBLE, we'll you understand.

So here it is, my knitting since Christmas.



Notice I'm knitting for the second time, didn't even bother ripping and rewinding. This is yogurt's Christmas sweater. First time it was way to large, and finally forced after knitting the full skein to admit it, I started again. It will be a roll bottomed vest. The top will be a matching variegated yarn in garter stitch. It is rolling quite a bit more than expected. I even put a garter stitch row to break the roll. Hopefully blocking and wear will fix it, because I am not knitting this skein again!

Lesson We are Transitioning to one nap. After waking up at 6:00, today was a two day nap. Morning no problem. Afternoon was a struggle. In the midst of cajoling the wee one to sleep, i felt anxiety creeping into my being. Really tendrils of stress crawling up my arms and back as I began to worry, what if? what if we don't nap, he will be a wreck by 6:00, and my afternoon will be hell. I caught myself. Worry about an unknown future? What is the use? Concentrate on now. You know he is tired. Don't give up. Be patient and he will fall asleep. Breathe. I calm down, the tendrils disappear, and he's asleep in ten. I swear he can sense my stress, like we are connected).

Today is a time to reflect on the many things we are thankful for. It is also a time to cook, gather, and eat. The littlest member of our household is on a restricted diet. He is being fed yucky formula through a nose tube. He can have small amounts of sweet potato, and today a little frozen banana. He crawls the kitchen looking for crumbs, knowing he wants to eat, but not knowing why it is he can't. It is painful, not being able to feed your child. As I've researched various diseases trying to figure out which one fits us ( we still don't know) I've run into stories. Heartbreaking stories of kids who can't eat, who live on elemental formula, teenagers who willing insert their own feeding tube at night because the pain from their disease when they eat is that awful. I'm sure there are adults as well. And patients who for other reason end up on tube feeds ( one's on chemotherapy come to mind), So today as I eat my food, I am going to be thankful for being able to eat, and I am going to think about all those who can't because they are sick, and I'm going to say a pray for them. I ask that you do the same.

October

hospital stay, broken oven and firemen, new roof, 4 stitches carving pumpkin, some sunshine,a tiny tiger, a power ranger, a tree down, but not on our house

'nuff said

100912 Attachment
to the way i want things to be; clapping hands, sitting in the high chair throwing food at the dog, picking things up with tiny fingers, chubby little boy in handknit vests, and yes my littlest one still snuggling in bed with me nursing himself  back to sleep.
this beautiful vision of babyhood. turning toward childhood obliterated by a week long hospital stay and the intervention: hypoallergenic formula, no food, feeding tube,mittens. so many things i did not want seemingly forced on us by well intentioned doctors.
it has been hard caught between fear and attachment.
i have feared for my baby. i want him better, but it is the attachment ( and my attachment to guilt) that causes me so much pain.
it is so hard to let go of this perfect vision, and the rembrance of his first 9 months, so peaceful and right.
it is hard to accept the reality, he may need this for a little time.
and yet he still smiles, he still claps, he is still mischevious., we still snuggle, and  if i look closely it is still a magical beautiful time
in most of the moments ( not when i trying to place a nasal tube at 1:00 am, mind you, that is not beautiful at all, that i hate with every bit of my being).
we will get better.
we will thrive.
we will push the doctors to move beyond the forced feeds as soon as possible.
this is only transient and will pass, and we will be left with only memories which are so different then the reality.
but the attachment thing is still hard to get around even if i can see the way it is working clear as day.

Roasted butternut squash and carrot soup

1 butternut squash, peeled, seeded, cut  into medium chunks
6 or so carrotts, peeled, cut into 3 inch pieces
2 red bell , or roasting peppers
6 or more cloves garlic
1 yellow onion. diced
4 cups stock of choice or water
olive oil
salt

1. oven at 425
2. prepare vegtables and garlic, mix squash, carrots, red peppers, and garlic in a large bowl with a goodly amount of olive oil to coat
3. place in oven at 425 for about 1 hour 15 minutes, until carrots are soft, and squash just starting to brown. turn  red peppers and other vegtables a couple of times while cooking so the skins get even charred.
4. enjoy smell in house
5. saute onion in olive oil in your favorite soup pot until they are transluscent and softening up.
6. add vegtables from oven. removing skins and caps and most of seeds from peppers
7. add stock of choice or water, bring to boil, lower  to simmer, cook twenty minutes
8. puree in blender, add water if necessary for easy blending, and to get your desired consistancy. i made mine slightly looser than baby food, and problably added 2 extra cups of water
9. season with salt and pepper, and maybe a little cayanne if you don't have little kids who will complain.

playing with children is like a form of meditation sometimes.
in real meditation you focus on one thing, your mind wanders, and you bring it back.
playing with children is sometimes very boring.
your mind wanders. emotions arise.
you need to bring your mind back, to focus.
to remain aware of what you/they are doing.
otherwise they notice.
this is hard to do.
this is practice.
this is meditation.

Crashing at home after a week away.
The jumble that is the kitchen, the house.
Everything where we left it, everywhere.
One boy starts longer days at school.
One boy has learned to clap.
And so we plunge head first straight in.
The mess getting out of our way as we move forward despite it.
(and somehow this is a metaphor for our life/ soul,
you  know what I mean).