Mommy Stuff

(This is a picture of the boy from earlier in the summer. We went strawberry picking, and saw farm animals. I wrote this blurb shortly after mother's day and wasn't sure if I would publish it, but here goes... I will try to write more about this later)

I think I’m going through a sort of midlife crisis. My fellowship ends next February, so I’ve been weighing things, trying to figure out who I am, and where I want to be. I haven’t though this introspectively about my life since the unhappy period in my life that was high school.

There are many things that my mind is trying to balance at once while I figure this out. Being mommy, wanting another, the economy, my husband’s career, my career (such that it is), what I want to do, what I should do, what I could do… It’s really a lot for my analytical brain to handle.

What I want to do? After a little over 1 year back from my maternity leave, I want to stay home with the boy. I’ve wrestled with this a lot, and when I became a mother 17 months ago, I didn’t think I would feel this way. Rather, I didn’t let myself acknowledge that there was a possibility I would feel this way.

At the end of my maternity leave I was ready to go back. No, I was determined to go back.But it was the crushing routine, of pumping (four times a day), getting everything ready for daycare, dropping off, going to work where I couldn’t get any traction on my projects, leaving at 5:00 to pick up the pooh, and then coming home, washing baby dishes, going to sleep. Restart next day.

It was hard. I swore every day, when I walked from my car to the building where I work with tears in my eyes, I would never do it this way again.I will say that things got better. No pumping anymore. The boy mostly sleeps well. I am well rested. I finally got my research moving forward.

But now I feel hopelessly divided. I can’t put the time in at the lab to do everything that I should be doing. I have to prioritizes, and this means making good guesses, and leaving lots of loose ends. I can feel the project coming together into a paper, but I’m not sure anyone other than me cares about the phenomena I’m studying, so I’m not sure how well such a paper will be received. I’m making it work, but just barely.

And then there is the boy. He is growing up and doing amazing things. And it is happening so goddamn fast! And we struggle to take him to the park on the weekend ( the only time we have to do such things) because we are so busy with errands, and tired. And this bothers me. I don’t like feeling divided, and I don’t like short changing my kid.

So you see where I’m coming from. I build my career around my life, not the other way around. For awhile I want to stay home. Try my hand at teaching as an adjunct so I’m doing something to keep moving forward, or sideways, but hopefully not backward. But then there are the other two questions. Should I do this? A one paycheck household scares me, especially these days. Is this the right thing for Sean. He likes daycare, and being around other kids. And the more dubious one, Can I do this?

More Socks......

These are Dead Simple Lace Socks from Wendy Johnson's book, "Socks from the Toe-Up" or something like that. (I need to remeber how to do links, like a good blogger). For some reason this sock looks way better in this photo, than it does in real life. It usually doesn't work out way. The yarn is Socks that Rock Nyame, which I refer to (in my head) as Nynaeve because I am reading Robert Jordan this summer. I am quite enjoying the Robert Jordan, that is why I knit so slow. It's either read for an hour, or knit, and most nights I read.

Happy 4th (belated of course)

"Little boys are just little dudes, aren't they?" mother of 6 year old girl at the pool.

When did he start being a little boy?

Socks part II

I finished these about a month ago. They are better than my first pair: A little snuggier, and the yarn doesn't seem to be as prone to balling (there is a proper term for what I'm trying to say, but I just can't remeber it). Yeah! I can knit a pair of socks in the summer, that I can't wear until mid-October at the earliest.

Another pair of Socks has been started. Actually I finished the first of that pair, but more on that later. Also more on the fascinating adventures of one 18 month old little boy.

ZOO!

New sock well underway. Just hope there's enough yarn for two.

Accomplishments

The boy walks! And he likes to help out around the house.

The evil socks are done.

Anna's sweater needs only four buttons.

And a new pair of socks are underway, but more on that later....

Evil Sock

I had a knitters moment last night. I've been steadfastly working on the above pictured sock. It is a standard normal sock with short-row heel and short-row toe. It looks pretty innocent doesn't it?

I have felt for awhile that my knitting resume is deficient in sock knitting, so I set out to knit a simple sock that would fit my foot. You see most of the socks I have knit come out large and are comfy but somewhat dangerous on hardwood floors.

So i picked out this very simple pattern with the short-row heel and toe thrown in because I wanted to learn how to make a sock this way, and because I thought it might be better fitting than your standard gusset and picked up stiches sock. And I think this was a good deciscion.

Nevermind that I knit the heel three times last weekend to get it perfect. Nevermind that I basically did the same thing with the toe because I kept forgetting a stitch after I turned the toe, and again I wanted to get it right

As I closed the toe to the foot with a zigzag bind-off and I was all but three stiches from the end, disater struck. I didn't notice when it happened. It was 11:00 at night. I stayed up to finish the sock. I finished it and looked at it, and was pretty happy, until I noticed the dropped stich about three stiches from the end.

I thought, well I'll just rip it back and reclose. Except when I went to rip it back the yarn caught on itself and was really being stuborn. So in a fit of frustration I did what any crazied and tearful knitter would do. I took scissors to the toe. And as I tried to get clear of the mess that creates, the yarn kept catch and I couldn't get clear of the tangle. At this point I went downstairs to my husband who was really as understanding as any non-knitter could be about these things. He said some things that where all very sensical. The sock had been into the garbage about three or four times at this point. I kept saying its not salvagable. He kept saying put it away and look at it tommorrow. Eventually I grabbed a bottle of wine from the pantry, poured a glass for me and my husband , and I put the sock away.

Of course the baby and I had a competition to see who was more cranky this morning ( I think I won hands down, I don't sleep well when a drink, even a little and I wasn't ready to get up at 6:00 with a screaming 15 month old). But we have since recovered. Groceries have been bought. He is know napping and the sock minus the toe and an inch or so of the foot has been salvaged. It is still an evil sock. And to think I need to knit a second one. Maybe I should stick to sweaters!

Finished Green Sweater, and The Allergist

So it might have taken me the time it took me to gestate the model, but the green sweater (Trellis) is finished and functional. I finally got a chance to get the boy outside for his photo shoot. Isn't he an excellent model!

I'm pretty happy with it, the sleeves are a bit long, which doesn't bother me because I can just role them up, and it isn't quite as roomy as I would expect an 18 month sweater to by on my little guy, but it is finished, and even has nice wooden buttons.

However, in what a consider a great twist of irony, the night after I finished sewing the buttons on, I took the little guy to an allergist to look into the excema rash (which isn't very apparent in this picture, but probably is in some of older posts) that is on his cheeks and has been there since he was four months old. As we hit the colder months it started getting worse and worse, and we decided it was time to see if it was being caused by a detecable allergy to something. The Allergist recommend a dozen things to get the rash under control, and sent us on a treasure hunt all over town to find good lotions. But amoung the recomendations was to avoid clothing of any other material other than 100% cotton. Being that I knit everybody else's babies things in at least a cotton blend so as not to be irritating, I find it a little ironic that I knit this in wool, it took so long, and I put so much love and care to making it nice, and now little guy can't even wear it! Ah well, Thems the Breaks! I'm sure Anna will like it next year.

A sweater for Anna Lucy

• Harvey Kimono sweater (the girlie version) from "Natural Knits"


• in green apple shine sport weight (a somewhat unatural yarn, but it should be non-allergenic and machine washable which are big pluses for baby sweaters)


• knit on #4 knitpicks harmony needles, and #3 whatever they call their metal needles

This is the 3rd or 4th baby sweater I've knit in this yarn. I like it for the above mentioned reasons, but I'm not thrilled with how it feels on the needles. It's pretty slippery, especially on the metal ones. Thank goodness I got gauge with that size 4, harmony needle that are wood, and all I have to knit with the metal is the picot edge and a little bit of cuff.

Not to scoop my sister, but she did take my name afterall, but this sweater is for a very special little girl who I'm looking forward to getting to know better.

Welcome to the world, little one! You have a great family to take care of you .

There might be even a slight chance that one day she will ask me to teach her to knit (which I don't think my son, or my nephew, or my other niece for that matter ever will, but who knows they might suprise me). I hold out great hope for this one. I should do that whole holding the knitting needles thing with her. Too bad I'm not a better knitter

We Survived Holiday '08!

Last year the holidays passed in the blurr of having a 1-month old. I remeber everyone coming to us, and eating some kind of dinner, and holding the little guy who slept most of the time. And somehow presents were exchanged, but it was basically a blurr to my sleep deprived mind, but a pleasant one.

This year was rough. It was important to me to start observing the holidays a little bit, so we got a tree (and put all four ornaments on it). And we did the family thing at my parents which was fun. I did eventually finish the little guy's sweater. And a was looking forward to a little time off work, and letting my husband take care of the little guy a little bit, so I could do something unheard of like knit during daylight hours, and maybe I would get to go out somewhere by myself.

Unfourtunately, I had two bouts of a stomach virus one a week before Christmas, and one, that everybody got, starting with the little guy, over the New Year's Holiday. I guess this is just one of the things you expect with a kid in daycare, but I sort of feel a little ripped off about the Holiday thing. I mean I'm really glad nobody was sick on the actually Christmas day, but I've been dealing with a cranky kid all weekend, and I'm tired from being sick myself. I don't feel at all rested, I had to take two days off of work I wasn't expecting to (and can ill afford), and I didn't get time to myself,and I don't see much prospect for that in the near future.

I know I shouldn't be complaining too much. I have alot to be thankful for, and I know there are alot of people out there in that world who were suffering a lot more than me over this holiday, but I'm a little crabby.

However, tommorrow is the start of a new week, and the start of a new life (well, probably more than one, but at least one I know of). Good luck big sister, I hope everything goes smoothly tommorrow, and hopefully sometime this week I will get to visit you guys and welcome my new niece. And if that isn't something to be happy about, I don't know what is!

Knitting done. Tree is up. Presents mostly wrapped.The Festivities may begin.

Merry Christmas Everybody!

One Year Old

Last year (roughly-speaking)

This year

Everything else in between seems like a blurr.

Determination meets a stomach virus.... The sweater is probably not getting done on time. I might get the sleeve knit by the 25th, but probably not sewn together until after the holidays.

I am recovering, and am still keeping my fingers crossed that nobody else in the family gets it, whatever it was...

I really could have gone for some chef-boy-ardee ravioli, but all we had was lousy Healhty request chicken soup. It's really not that good.

We will still get a tree.....

'Tis the season.....

I am determined to get this finished before December 25th:

That is Trellis. The Trellis I've been working on for months. I have a back, a left front, a right front, and one sleeve. I need to complete the second sleeve and do the finishing in 1 week and 1/2. Every part of this sweater has been re-knit at least partially, except right front. I even had two sleeves completed at one point, but after looking at the pattern, and thinking , and re-measuring, I decided the gauge was too far off, and I ripped them out. This is a new way of thinking about knitting for me. I don't want to fudge things. If I'm going to take the time to knit it, it is going to be look nice, even if it takes me nine months to knit a baby sweater!

I fully realize that December 25th is a arbitrary deadline for a present for one who will not even notice the sweater or care about it except to fuss when it is put on him, but I sort of like the excitement of knitting it for Sean's 2nd Christmas. I want to anticipate the season by knitting a sweater.

I also want a tree. Probably a fake one, b/c our dog would probably pee on a real one, but I want a tree with lights, so you can turn off the lights in the room and sit in the tree light and feel the magic of the season, and forget all the hustle, and stress of it. I realize that it might be a hastle (not to mention inherently dangerous) with a one year old who is learning to stand up and is getting quicker and more determined to test us each day. But I want the tree, It's part of my past and traditions that I want to be there for my kids even if we are pressed for time this time of year.

As of yet, we have not had the time to go out and get a tree, but maybe next weekend. Most of the Christmas shopping is done. The cards are made and have arrived at home, and are just waiting addresses and stamps. They should be mailed out this week, so we should be able to do it next weekend. Probably just as well to have it up for a shorter time.

I leave you with a picture of Sean at the park. He turned 1, a couple of weeks ago. I can't believe how quickly his first year went by. Simply amazing.

What the hell, Happy belated Halloween! And Happy Veterans Day too!!

We aren't exactly on the ball with these things, but this is the best we can do. Sean looked very cute in his Japanese tiger outfit. We especially liked the tail. There has been lots of stuff going on around here; bathroon remodeling, career decisions being made, trips to NJ, several books finished,baby wrangling, and yes, knitting, but more on all that later.

ZOO!

Well what does a baby do on a bright and beautiful Columbus day, when daycare is closed?

You have mommy call up your friend's mommy and you head out to the Zoo!

We saw elephants and little hippos and maybe some other animals, and hung out with the stroller set who were at the zoo en force.

And then we took a nap because it was just too exciting!

Visitors

Over the last week we had visitors from the otherside of the world. My brother and his wife visited from Tokyo, and we had a barbeque bash at our house with so many people we used every last one of my plates and didn't have any knives left over. 10 people, I guess our family has gotten a little bit bigger.

His Uncle made quite an impression of OLG. And everybody seemded happy to be together as a family for once. Football was watched, Food was eaten, and A good time was had by all (except the dog who got locked upstairs).

OLG pulled himself to standing for the first time this weekend too. He is growing up so fast.

Beach '08

The first week in September was our annual trip to Duck, NC. As usually we had lovely weather, at least the first four days. Then Hannah decided to stop by on her way through, and we decided it was the end of the week and we'd rather be stuck inside at home then in our beach house.

Our little boy has a pretty good time. Actually I'm not really sure he appreciated the change in his routine, but he hung in there pretty good. He is know an expert tummy crawler, and is getting all over the place. He is also able to pick up cheerios with the dreaded pincer grasp. He has a little trouble with the hand mouth exchange part though. He really wanted to eat the sand, but I couldn't let him. I think he liked the walks in the Duck on the bike path the best, and hanging out with mommy and daddy for an entire week.

I'm still worried about his eating habits. He had his 9 month visit and he has dropped to 5th percentile in weight and height. But, the doc isn't worried yet because they're matched to one another. I started to cry when he was weighed in. It's hard not to take these things personally because of all the effort I've put into breastfeeding him over these last 9 months. He seems to be interested in eating a bigger variety of things now, but still only in small quantites. Anyway we will do what we can, and hopefully he'll start making progress.

Chicken Soup in August

I've been thinking that there is alot I should be recording on this here blogs. Having a small wee one around is nothing if not an experience which causes one to think alot. The thing is things are moving so fast, and honestly blogging isn't exactly my top priority, its pretty far down on the list of things to do....

First example of things moving fast, Baby sits on his own, and has been doing this well for about a month. He is actually making his first forays into crawling, sortof a commando style on the stomach leaning and reaching to one side. It's slow and he gets frustrated, but I think this means we need to baby proof the house soon...

Second example: We've started introducing solids. We are now making up for the ease with which we got the breast feeding thing down, and are dealing with a very opinionated baby. He eats about four things, maybe five on a good day. Mostly the gerber applesauce, pear sauce, squash, and fresh peaches and necatarines:

Thing is, he doesn't like much else. Maybe a few spoonfuls of peas or sweet potatoe if you also give him some applesaue. He won't even eat applesauce I make for him. So this is the reason I'm making some chicken soup... I think it might be time to try something new.